We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
