I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
