I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
