we have officially lost it.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just found puke in my bra..
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
