omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
