Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
