And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
