Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Your penis caused this!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
