when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
