That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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