we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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