when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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