2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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