someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
