She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
