the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I believe in your delicious
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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