wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
