"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
As shirtless as possible
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
