You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
