My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
