dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The adults are the big ones right?
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