Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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