From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She even gives head with a lisp.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
