My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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