Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize