my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
