you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
