okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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