Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
