i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
