sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
