if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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