the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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