Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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