it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
