she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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