Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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