I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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