Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
