Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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