So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
