Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Randomize
