Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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