i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize