Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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