So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize