On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
