Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
