I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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