I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
