i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
