Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
