there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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