I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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