Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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