My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize