...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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