He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
