i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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