I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
