Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Be still, my beating vagina.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
as a side note pls kill me
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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