i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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