If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
