shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
