Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
