At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
