Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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