We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
