my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
